Qualifications to tell me how to live my life

There is actually only one:  you had to give birth to me. And even then I may not listen. Contrary to their belief, the following people do not qualify: Coworkers People (s)elected to the federal executive branch Texas lawmakers South Dakota lawmakers Random people on the street

TGFC (Thank God for chocolate)*

What lies in between your quarter life crisis and your mid life crisis? I think that's where I am now. Past the "what do I do with my life?" but not quite to "why the hell haven't I accomplished anything I set out to do?" *While I find chocolate vile and disgusting, it does contain happy chemical so I'm not one to argue.

My problem is that I still believe the lie...

The lie that hard work pays off in the end. That if you are good, good things happen to you. That if you go to work everyday and do a good job you will be rewarded. I know this isn't true. I have lived that this isn't true. But yet, somehow, for some strange reason, my soft gooey center hasn't caught on. It hasn't learned that hard work just makes you the chump. And the only reward you get is a banana like you're a chimp.

How come no one told me about <insert name of my bank here> online billpay?

Must find ways to look busy while I have nothing to do.

Call me Cassandra

(I always knew that classical Latin degree would come in handy sometime.) For some reason when I speak, people do not believe what I say. Maybe it's b/c "everybody lies." Everybody but me that is. I said I'm going to South Beach. (Flight and hotel reservations are in hand.) I said I was buying a car. (Got the loan to prove it.) I said I'm going back to school... again. (Found the program and started pricing books.) I provide all of this evidence in order to show that I don't make threats. I see them as I waste of time and oxygen. When I say something, I follow through on it. So people, really, stop being surprised when I tell you something and it happens, or you are going to find yourselves caught in the rain without an umbrella. And you can't say I didn't warn you.

Brown is my new blue.

I don't understand people

Example 1: I write down explicit instructions on how to complete a task. It would go faster if instead of asking me what to do, you just read the sheet of paper that I handed you... Example 2: I am supposed to complete a project. Instead of asking me if I have done so, you start on the project yourself. I allow you to, knowing that I have actually already done it. But you didn't ask.

Aimless wanderings...

For the last damn time, it's not "like osmosis" Never piss off people smarter than you I don't get paid to watch you work I'm not the only one saying "seriously" all the time How is it only Tuesday?

Dear Lord in Heaven

Someone remind me to never watch Grey's Anatomy without a spare inhaler again...

I wonder if I can teach myself linear algebra

I think that I have seen all the episodes of Perry Mason.