Don't screw with nap time

Damnit people.  I don't get to nap much.  But when I do, it is sacred. So seriously, don't wake up unless I in danger of serious harm that I would survive and necessitate years of rehabilitation.  If I'm gonna die, just let me sleep.

Seriously

If Herpzilla was camped out on your face, halfway into your mouth, how freaking happy would you be?

three

I'm not mad. You have seen me mad yet. But since you mentioned it, here is what it would look like. Pissed off: lots of swearing, usually seen during drive time Mad: tears, after my feeling get hurt and there is nothing I can do about it Enraged 1: hammer in hand, bits of radio on floor; don't know how that happened Enraged 2: cold, calm fury. I plot your demise slowly orchestrating seemingly unrelated events that result in your total destruction. Kinda like what Cartman did to Scott Tenorman. I'm not mad, i'm enraged 2.0.

two

Praise the good Lord for abreva.

one

I still haven't seen Grey's Anatomy. (Driving through the floods was tiring.)

On being young

Supposedly older workers have a hardship in working for young upstarts who know nothing but have a shiny new diploma. Now I can see where if you have done a job for 20 years, it could be troubling to have to justify you existence to a kid who is younger than your favorite coat. But here you should be cautious. Apparently I look about 10 years younger than I am. This is why people continually ask me where I go to school, and I get carded buying Jean Claude Van Damme movies from Wal-mart. Don't let the appearance fool you into thinking that I am dumb, unknowing, or naive. I am very smart (even if I do say so myself). So smart in fact that if you make the mistake of underestimating me, I will happily let you fall into a trap of my own making. Just a warning.

Most people are self-centered not self-interested

And they say you don't tug on Superman's cape You don't spit into the wind You don't pull the mask off an 'ole Lone Ranger And you don't mess around with Jim Everything I need to know from life I learned from movies. For some reason, most people are walking around with a superhero complex. As Smith would say: You believe you are special, that somehow the rules do not apply to you. People are wrong. Or rather: People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals. The most important part of that is dumb. Sometimes I want to hit people with a CLUE X 4 and ask them what they expected to happen. And if I see one more person who looks like T.R. Knight this week I am going to think that it's fate.

Economy class sucks

It's pretty ridiculous to set your phone to speaker when you are the only one talking into it... And it disturbs your neighbors who don't want to hear your conversation.

Smurf Name Your Smurf Name is Clumsy Smurf Get Your Smurf Name at Quizopolis.com

OK, I'm a week behind

Bauer vs. Robocop is almost as good as Superman vs. Batman

Sometimes the bitch just needs to go

And sometimes, it's the son of the bitch For the first time in my rapidly approaching 30 years on this planet I am turning to food for comfort.  Chocolate to be specific.  Which incidentally I hate.  Both the chocolate and the crutch.  Of course I suppose that it is marginally better than dragging out the bottle of vodka.

I have no fucking toilet.

I've got a split personality

Many moons ago I took a test to see what types of jobs I am best suited for. According to the test I am:

Investigative Individuals: put a high value on math and science. are curious, creative, and studious. like to work with theories or unproved ideas. prefer to work alone.

Conventional Individuals: prefer jobs with clearly defined duties. like to work with words and numbers. are orderly and systematic. value financial success and status.

Artistic individuals: prize independence. enjoy creative activities such as music, writing, entertainment, and art. appreciate the artistic work of others in museums, theaters, and books. actively seek opportunities for self-expression.

Am I the only one who sees the problem with a creative analyst? Apparently, because none of my employers have figured out that the best thing to do is just let me do my job without hovering.

I could seriously listen to to Dennis Haysbert speak all day long...

And since Jennifer doesn't want Scott I am more than willing to take him.  Michael too for that matter.  Seriously.

Today's lesson: why fight a battle you cannot win?

"You can be sure of succeeding in your attacks if you only attack places which are undefended. You can ensure the safety of your defense if you only hold positions that cannot be attacked." - Sun Tzu

So much to learn, so little time...

"All warfare is based on deception." -Sun Tzu And I'm seriously gonna be buying some of that birth control jewelry now. Edit: for my one reader... Designer: Artifactual Creations Purchase information: Planned Parenthood Greater Cleveland

Qualifications to tell me how to live my life

There is actually only one:  you had to give birth to me. And even then I may not listen. Contrary to their belief, the following people do not qualify: Coworkers People (s)elected to the federal executive branch Texas lawmakers South Dakota lawmakers Random people on the street

TGFC (Thank God for chocolate)*

What lies in between your quarter life crisis and your mid life crisis? I think that's where I am now. Past the "what do I do with my life?" but not quite to "why the hell haven't I accomplished anything I set out to do?" *While I find chocolate vile and disgusting, it does contain happy chemical so I'm not one to argue.