There is a reason LiveJournal isn't worksafe.

So much to be pissed off about. so little time. Let's start with children walking around in men's bodies. It wouldn't be a problem if you didn't expect them to act their physical age. Instead they act as though they haven't learned that there is a time to play and a time to take care of business. Because of wait, they haven't. People who either can't or are afraid to drive need to ride the bus. They can't even do simple things like stay within the lines and drive the speed limit. There was swearing in my head when I was thinking this up.

i actually have material worth sharing

1. Why do people drink wine? (Alcohol has been consumed, ignore any typos.) Comparison to other forms of alcohol - it gets you drunk, it makes you pee... But then it adds something. A headache. Even after chugging 3 LITs, some beer, and God knows what else I never got a headache. I have a headache now. Man do I have a headache. 2. Is it wrong to befriend the girlfriend in order to figure out the best way to get rid of her? Just asking. I really need to know. And soon, if you catch my drift... 3. Boy do I have to pee. Second time since I started typing. Please Lord, I have learned a lesson - Don't drink wine.

Notice:

The next damn person that rear ends me at a red light is getting maced.

I love people

More Than 50 Black Bears Killed in N.J. By JOHN CURRAN, Associated Press Writer 2 hours, 28 minutes ago VERNON, N.J. - As opponents turned out to denounce them, hunters killed more than 50 bears Monday at the start of a state-authorized hunt aimed at thinning New Jersey's burgeoning bear population. ADVERTISEMENT The hunt, restricted to the state's northwestern corner and open to about 4,400 hunters with permits, got under way in freezing weather after legal challenges by animal rights groups failed. Black bears, once near extinction in the state, are now a common sight, menacing people, scampering through yards and rummaging in trash. "Bears are beautiful animals, but they've got to be controlled," said Joe Giunta, 59, who bagged one Monday morning. About a dozen hunt opponents gathered at a weigh station at Wawayanda State Park, confronting hunters and forming "bear rescue teams" with plans to tend to wounded bears and follow hunters in what they said was a mission of mercy. Many protesters wore bright orange shirts, the same color required of hunters. "Today, for us, is a very sad day," said Lynda Smith, president of Bear Education and Resource Group, one of two groups that unsuccessfully sued to delay the hunt. "They're here to kill them, we're here to help them." "It's an emotional issue," said Martin McHugh, director of the state Division of Fish and Wildlife, which estimates the bear population at between 1,600 and 3,200. The state's last bear hunt was in 2003, when 328 were killed. That was the first since 1970, when hunts were suspended because the black bear population had dropped to about 100. Proponents of the hunt rejected arguments that bear-proof trash cans and "aversive conditioning" — such as using fireworks to scare bears away from populated areas — would work better than a hunt. "No matter where they eat, they're still going to reproduce," said Andy Romanelli, 36. "The facts are the facts. They're overpopulated." State officials said 54 bears were killed as of 2:30 p.m. Monday. The total killed each day of the planned six-day hunt will not be available until the following day.

Which File Extension are You?

The next person who pisses me off...

is getting a gift of elephant dung paper.

When I was in college...

I took a women's studies class. Of course I did, who didn't? For my major project, I wrote a 20 page paper on what I will call the "Ally McBeal Syndrome." You make a tv show about a strong female character, a lawyer for example. A show that could show this woman succeeding in a male dominated arena (it was a women's studies class). Instead she is written as a ridiculous hormonal lackwit who couldn't cross the street on her own let alone behave as an adult. I like Grey's Anatomy, all that delicious pain, but I am starting to see shades of Ally. My Tivo is making a buzzing sound when people talk; it is annoying.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother

we should really stop feeding the stupid. they will never learn to fend for themselves this way.

Turtle may be the only thing I could not bring myself to eat

I enjoyed watching people scrub the dirt from my car today.

I feel old

It does not feel good.

I'm dressing as little red riding hood for Halloween.

Does anyone know any wolves?

Anybody want to see a picture of the next rat I catch on a glue trap?

Alligator tastes like chicken...

mostly

You Are A: Frog!

Independent yet still part of a large community, frogs are unique creatures known for their distinctive sound and ability to hop. As a frog, you spend your days sitting on lily pads or climbing trees, searching for delicious insects to eat. While there are some frogs that aren't exactly cute, you are certainly not one of those!

You were almost a: Kitten or a Bear Cub
You are least like a: Puppy or a BunnyCute Animal Test!

I'm back...

i was never really away, just hiding. kinda. And apparently, the HD feeds can leave off all the weather and scrolling crap. Neaner, neaner.

The definition of stupid

I place FOUR boxes of pads in assorted aizes on the counter at walmart the MALE checker asks me if I am having a nice day what the hell does it look like? as a matter of fact, i wont be having a nice day for at least a week and since you asked, i am going to tell you exactly why

vow of silence is over

it's good to see that in the face of disaster people sink to the lowest level of human behavior.

Today's advice

If you like yourself, and nightmare free sleep do not see Jack the Ripper.

What the hell was I thinking?

I bought a 27" TV. It is big and pretty, but it is also heavy as hell. I am never moving this thing. If I move either someone else is moving it or it is staying in this house.

I still don't have a tb

not that i haven't been shopping. and not that I haven't seen a couple I like. but I refuse to buy a tv from someone who treats me like an idiot. like the guy at conn's. he wouldn't let me see the remotes for the tvs. so i didn't let him see my discover card.

Today's prayer

God, please help those on livejournal correctly use their chosen language.

I need to move

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Your personality type is RLOEI

You are reserved, moderately moody, moderately organized, egocentric, and intellectual, and may prefer a city which matches those traits.

The largest representation of your personality type can be found in the these U.S. cities: Albuquerque/Santa Fe, Providence, Richmond, Norfolk, Tucson, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Salt Lake City, Minneapolis area, Denver, New York City, Houston and these international countries/regions Brazil, Slovenia, Argentina, Israel, Portugal, Romania, Croatia, Austria, Denmark, Germany, Finland, Puerto Rico, France, Italy, Belgium, Philippines

What Places In The World Match Your Personality?
Powered by CityCulture.org

G.I. Joe is coming back!!!

But really, could someone explain to me the point of leafblowers.

Stop that too

To everyone who hears a cool new word and decides to add it to their vocabulary: Please learn how to spell it first. The dictionary is your friend.

And for the last damn time

Let's not call people "Oriental" mmkay?

Good news always follows bad

After 5 MONTHS of looking, I finally found a new job. It has been painful. Very painful. A period full of tears and rages. But soon I will be free. The bad, my tv is doorknob dead. No buzz, no click, no hum. Just that evil little standby light staring at me. Shopping this weekend... As I was driving home, i got a sudden and unrelenting craving for some mcnuggets. It's like they were calling to me to eat them. Final bit of randomness: there was a bug in my car today probably because I left the windows down last night i rolled the window down 3 or 4 times to let it out but it wouldn't leave so i killed it and pushed it out of the car

Life's a bitch

but vodka helps.

Why do the ignorant keep speaking

They should really shut up for their own safety. Otherwise, someone is going to backhand one of them into next week.

Ok, really. Don't watch <A href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109836/">Frankenstein</A> at night.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Very High
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Blah blah blah. I post this in the interest of full disclosure.

Guess who's coming to dinner

I highly recommend seeing this film. Not the remake. The original. Absolutely wonderful.

Hmm...

You Should Date A Swede! You're a romantic, albeit an understated and practical one. It's more about a steady partnership for you, not unrestrained falling Your Swede will give you the unwavering love you crave While making up some mean pancakes and meatballs on the side! Which Foreign Guy Should You Date? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Well, I could definitely go for the meatballs.

I am an idiot

Who can't tell the difference between pink and orange. Despite the tech industry's best efforts in color coding, I stuck it in the wrong hole. (Under the right circumstances, that could be painful.)

So what if I like David Caruso

CSI: Miami has no sound in HD. Or I have lost the center channel of my speakers overnight...

So...

I watch NASCAR to see the crashes. I am thinking of taking up hockey to see if it is as violent as I think.

I'm disappointed in myself. I should have scored higher.

I am 68% Asshole/Bitch.

I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Take the Asshole/Bitch Test @ FualiDotCom

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 88% Postmodernist 69% Idealist 56% Materialist 50% Romanticist 50% Modernist 44% Fundamentalist 38% Existentialist 25% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

I need a whipping boy

There should be a lj community where you can find an online punching bag. Someone who would take all the abuse you have stored up from a crappy day of having to keep your mouth shut when everyone pisses you off. These people are easy to find in real life, I work with a couple in fact. I would use them for this purpose but it is hard to kick a puppy while looking it in the face. I prefer an anonymous target for my venom.

Damn, I should have taken the 30K...

Until further notice, I am going to just be pissed off. Feel free to ignore me.

How stupid are you?

Before I start, I should mention that all users are given winzip as part of the standard desktop deployment: Why the goddamn hell are you sending me a fucking .zip file to open for you? Shit, double click the damn thing and open it. Are you so fucking stupid that the concept of drag and drop escapes you? Then why and how the hell did you get a job as a data specialist. One would think that one of the requirements would be to actually be able to manipulate data. Apparently not. Although, I should admit to being impressed that you figured out how to send email. That was almost as great an achievement as getting dressed this morning. We are proud.

Riddle me this..

You know how drunk drivers never get hurt in the accident they kill people in. I'm wondering how they remember to put on their seat belts on when they are so drunk.

My sleep is holy

Quit messing with it. Is that too much to ask? Apparently. What did people do before I was around to provide all the answers? Starve... Bleed to death... Sit down in a corner and die... And I wish sportscasters would shut up and just show the race.

I understand now

It's a catch 22: Only idiots succeed... If you want to succeed, you aren't an idiot...

Today's advice

Don't waste good news on someone determined to be miserable.

I'm not so pissed anymore

But you know, there is a point when you say it's not worth all the trouble and just give up. So idiots, you have won. Hope you are happy. But of course, you are too stupid to understand exactly what you have done. Isn't ignorance bliss.

what the fucking hell?!!

I leave my damn desk unattended for 2 fucking days and someone or something tries to fucking eat my $40 headphones. These precious headphones are the only thing that keeps all the crap that is around me out. Next time I will take all my shit with me. What kind of world is it if you can't expect stuff on your desk to be left alone? Nevermind, I don't want to know.

I just love people

and by people I mean hypocrites. Especially those who are concerned with freedom and tolerance. As long as you are free and tolerant in their way that is... Here's todays free clue: if you don't like being persecuted then you shouldn't do it to others.

I'm thinking of starting a spork collection.

Sporks of the world...

Things that would make life simpler

Universal employment and health forms so that you didn't have to fill out a new form every time you wanted a new job or went to a new doctor. It worked for colleges.

Satan's great feat...

was not convincing the world he doesn't exist. It was giving Internet access and keyboards to idiots.

I found frogs!!!

I finally get HDTV and there is absofreakinglutely nothing to watch

I'm thinking about taking up McDonald's "I'd hit it" campaign. This could work for me.

The saddest words in the world...

"0 unread messages" when you are praying desperately for someone to respond to one of your umpteen resumes. Equally depressing is the extinguishing of the hope you feel when you see the little email alert but all you have is some spam promising a low interest rate mortgage or erection help (or both). No, my erection is fine; it's my employment that could use a little boost. But really, thanks for the offer.

And we are up and running...

I think. The newest member of my computer has has been integrated into my home fairly easily. That is if you consider umpteen updates and reboots "easy". And I do mean umpteen, over and over and over... But I am almost set. All I need is a new SATA cable and everything will be perfect. Now, just need to figure out how to pay for it...

Wow, someone understands how I feel about my job...

I hate this place this zoo this prison this reality whatever you want to call it I can't stand it any longer It's the smell if there is such a thing I feel saturated by it I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by you Repulsive isn't it? I must get out of here I must get free Oh, wait. I'm just quoting the Matrix again. Never mind.

I'm not sure if this counts as stupid or cruel

telling a balding woman that you want a haircut like hers. and no, I wasn't the one who did it.

Because some people are apparently confused

The fact of my existence does not create any type of obligation between us. I dont not have to speak to you, wave when you say hello, or even smile. I OWE YOU NOTHING. Now that we are all clear, you can go away now. Thanks for stopping by.

I can barely contain it

One day the "Kiss a fat monkey's ass" that is living inside me is going to find its way out.

Lessons in logic

During my research of individual health insurance plans this shining gem of consistency: the plan does not cover maternity care but also does not cover sterilization.

I call bullshit

The one thing in the world that I hate more than anything is being lied to. Not because of the itself (although that is bad enough) but because someone actually thinks that I am so stupid that I believe what they are telling me. That is the insult, thinking that I am as much of an idiot as you are. It really is tough being a genius. I also hate that they wasted precious oxygen with the pointless effort. So here is a solution to the problem: if you don't have anything truthful, meaningful, interesting, etc. to say, DON'T SPEAK TO ME AT ALL!!! Actually, don't bother speaking to me at all period.

Let me see if I have this right...

If I don't want to conversate with you because nothing you have to say holds any interest for me then something must be wrong. Right? Ok, then. Just checking.

Plan B (or what to do if your kid survives the explosion at the gas station)...

push him/her into the path of closing elevator doors. "Cause those always work right.

Good way to get rid of a kid...

Let your 6 year old pump your gas. Now I'll give mom the benefit of the doubt and assume that she had set the the catch of the pump and was letting the kid "watch" it while she got back in the air conditioned car... 'Cause should something go wrong that kid is going to know what to do to keep the whole thing from going up in flames. Don't get me wrong, I am all for people killing themselves should they choose, but I have a problem with things that affect my personal safety. I'm kinda selfish that way.

Need Cash...

And apparently selling myself is out. According to Human for sale I am only worth $1,960,860. That is really not enough. I blame my genetic makeup for predisposing me to so many conditions. Damn grandparents. This leaves me with two options: marrying a rich orphan or working. I really hate working.

One of the secrets to being an adult is...

knowing the difference between need and want. I NEED a new fuel pump, but I WANT a new Dell Dimension 9100. The Dell is winning. I said knowing the difference not caring about it.

Just getting to this

I actually heard a MAN say that abortions cause breast cancer. I want to see a study that investigates the link between such beliefs and fundamentalist gender role expectations. I'm guessing that people who believe women shouldn't be let of the home have a higher incidence of (stupidity) believing such things.

My ass should be asleep

My ass is awake like the rest of me. Unfortunately, my sleep pattern has been shot. The person accountable knows it is their fault. Random 2:45 am thought: what is my mother going to do if I get married? And no comments about living at home at twenty-... please.

i need new friends or at least a new job

My best friend at work is revealing himself to be a small-minded xenophobic racist bigot. This is bad because in general most of the people I work with are worthless and therefore incapable of providing me with the least in daily required human contact.

I can't tell, it's a secret

Apparently my dumb ass is the only doing any work today. I didn't get the slack off memo. Like there needs to be a memo anyway.

Here's a hint

If I have my headphones on, I can't hear you talking to me (and I in fact don't want to.) Wait until I take them out of my ears before you start asking me stupid questions

Another one for the "that makes sense" file

Various law enforcement entities are running a speed trap close to my house. Here's an idea, instead of grabbing people driving home too fast, try moving half a mile down the road to where the prostitutes and drug dealers hang out. Just a thought.

After a certain point, stupidity is no longer cute

Am I the only person who is tired of people who need someone to lead them through their day? I must be. No one else is noticing the stupidity. I wonder how some people find their way to work or even feed themselves. Thought is apparently a lost art.

<hiding in cave>

Why is it that having a bad mood is not a perfectly valid feeling. Why can't people understand that there are really times that I want to be left alone and not come out and play. It's really ok, and it will pass if you just leave me alone; I promise. Why do I have to justify being upset by the standards of others. There is nothing wrong with not being a happy bunny all the time. Some people were not born with a perky gene. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with them anymore than it validates your happy sunshine coffee in an i.v. line lifestyle. It is not a good morning, it is just morning. I don't have to smile for you. I don't have to say hello. I am certainly under no obligation to be your friend and make nice. Get over yourself. You are not the center of the universe. You are not even the center of my world. I could really care less that the rest of the world worships the ground you wake on and begs to kiss your feet. I do not, and I will not. And trust me, you won't die from lack of my adoration. But you will if you are waiting around for me to feed you with the crumbs of my attention.

Everyone can just take a flying...

Today sucks; you all bother me.

Parents are such cute ostriches

When ostriches get scared, they don't really bury their heads. They do something better; they stretch their necks out along the ground and "hide." Uh huh, 'cause now that mean ole putty tat can't see you... Parents do the same thing. A good example is "The Education of Shelby Knox." So, you don't want your kid learning how to use condoms because they are only XX% effective rather than 100%. That makes so much sense. Instead of being at least a little safer, they are a whole lot ignorant. Your children are having sex... RIGHT NOW WHILE YOU ARE AT WORK!!! (Probably even on your bed, if they made it that far.) Just thought I'd pass that along. You seemed to be unaware. Even my mother is guilty. She was shocked that I knew exactly why we use KY with condoms and not vaseline. (If you don't know, I can explain it to you.) Don't worry about why I know, just be glad that I do.

Margaret Cho is my new hero

I really need to be folding clothes, but livejournal just saps all my will. Anyway, Magaret Cho has exceeded Lucy Lawless in my affection for the time being. This is significant because it takes a lot to surpass the glory of exposing your big beautiful thighs to the world week after week. But Margaret Cho has succeeded; she bellydances and is NOT ASHAMED!!! That is just beautiful.

Mystery!

PBS is showing more Inspector Lynley. (bouncy, bouncy, bouncy) However, either our friends at PBS are confused or our friends at Tribune are. Yahoo TV has Mystery starting at 8 for 90 minutes and then another show starting at 9... Am I the only one seeing a problem here or did the laws of space and time change without my knowledge?

interesting observation

i am borrowing a pair of my mother's boots for my trip. however, since they are wide width, they don't fit right. so today, i bought some men's socks to wear with them. does anyone else think it kinda strange that men wear thicker socks thereby increasing their shoe size? hmm...

People to avoid while driving

Many of theses will be self-explanatory, especially in Dallas... +cops +stupid idiots on cell phones +cars with dealer's tags +me +highway patrol +cars displaying handicapped decals or plates +soccer moms +cops +pedestrians +squirrels

And sometimes, we are very wrong

I post this one as example of how your life cannot be understood through a 10 question quiz.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is high. You can't resist desire and lust.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

So: alluring yes, stylish no. i am ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic... I like that in a person. I'm all for do unto others, and cheaters should be eviserated.

I feel pretty

You Are Subversion!
You are systematic and secretive. Sometimes even very calculating. Most everyone trusts you but they have no idea what really goes on in your head. You are capable of being nice or mean, whatever a situation calls for. You look out for #1.

What Naughty My Little Pony Are You? I promise to stop doing these soon, but I just love new toya.

OK, ladies, it's your turn...

You know that little bag from Victoria's Secret that you think is so cute? Well, it is. However, it is not a purse or a lunch bag; so please don't use it as such.

To all guys with "man boobs"

Please cover them up; they make me jealous.

I've fallen in lust

Damn this sucks. Oh well, I guess admitting it is the first step to recovery.

Regret is useless

And so is guilt. Ok, you did something wrong, don't do it again. Beating yourself up, will neither take the action back nor make anyone your may have hurt feel better. Apologize. That's it, it's over. Accept that you are an imperfect human and move on. Now listen to Pam; she will put it into perspective for you. Right now you hate yourself 'cause you knew better But there's no use crying over spilled perfume You fell in a moment of weakness Well you just got to pull yourself back up Dry your morning-after tears 'Cause what's done is done "Spilled Perfume" Pam Tillis

Treat me like a dog

Like the biggest, baddest dog that that you have ever hat the misfortune to meed. Do not mess with me when I am eating, sleeping, or looked pissed off. One would think that these rules would be self-evident, but apparently they need to be explicitly stated.

Who let these kids out?

Ok, so they weren't kids; they were in college. The they in question is the bunch of twentysomethings I sat close to in Olive Garden. As I listened to their mindless chatter, I wondered to myself, "Was I like that in college?" I hope not. The gem of the afternoon was their discussion of absinthe. One of them referred to it as the "Everclear of alcohol." Umm, dear, Everclear is alcohol. Go ahead and put that margarita down, you've had enough.

I always knew I was normal

Your Political Profile

Overall: 35% Conservative, 65% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

I promise to return to my normal ramblings soon, but I feel that it is important for everyone to get to know me.

Looking for male wife

Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Single mid-twenties female seeks thirtyish male with female brain. Must like long walks in parks, cooking, cleaning, and washing cars.

the Hell? part 2

This and this time only, I am going to hide my text behind a cut because it will be especially foul.  But it is important that I get this out and not let it fester.

 

Crazy old bitch just ran into the back of my fucking car.  To add insult to injury, she wouldn't fucking back up until I walked towards her so that I could see if she had done anything.  Fuck.  Does my car look like one of those cement things that stop your car before you hit the curb?  I should mention that this was at a stop light.  And the damn thing was red, not green.  Put your fucking glasses on.  Or better yet, just stay the fucking hell away from my car.  Now it's not hurt, and I'm not hurt (other than an rageache - headache caused by rage), but fuck.

Ok, all better now.

Dude that ain't right

I just really that people don't like me not because of who I am, but because I don't fit their idea of who I should be. That ain't cool. Hate me because I'm beautiful; I don't mind. (I have really got to work on my self esteem issues.) In case you can't tell, I took today off from the bad place. And did I mention that echoes really kinda hurt for girls?

My heart's a little broken...

but not much apparently. The echo I had today showed that I have a "slight" mitral valve prolapse. Like anything is slight when it comes to your heart... To console myself, I bought a new dvd burner. It's dual layer. But the most interesting thing is that I discovered a "new" winamp feature. In 5.08 if you widen the player, you get beat visualization. Who knew? Plus lochjournal can actual pull music off winamp. And here I was just using winamp because it actually send the sound to all of my speakers. All of them that work that is. The original audigy can't use the rear center of my soundworks thx 6.1. (Small gloat only.)

Here's a clue

My buddy, henceforth known as "My Buddy", has a theory that there is a finite amount of intelligence in the world. As the population increases, each individual's allotment decreases, so that intelligence is never created (nor destroyed). Everyday I see more proof of this theory. Example: one of my coworkers thought that she would paint her fingernails at her desk today. I guess she thought she was at Pam's Manicure Hut.

I have my first friend!

On livejournal, not in real life. Because I am a wonderful person who is loved by all. Everyone likes me. Really, it's true. I am great. Believe me. Please...

Good advice

Find some happy music and listen to it.

A brilliant idea...

If you know something is wrong/unhealthy/annoying to others, don't do it. Here is an example: I was in the express line at Target behind a woman with 3 small children. For some reason, she thought that the kids should pay for stuff with their own money. Unfortunately, they couldn't count money. So she has to tell them what to give the cashier. The injury to the insult is that she looked at me and mouthed "I'm sorry." Umm, next time how about you play grocery store with your kids at home. MMM-kay?

Can we just drop all the pretense?

I had the misfortune of going to a wedding this weekend. And I have just one question. (Well two if you count my pondering how all the women with breasts the size of cantalopes managed to keep them from escaping out the tops of their outfits.) But seriously, why do people feel the need to posture for others? Do you think that if a couple of people ooo and ahh over your Vera Wang that makes you special? Here's a secret, behind your back, they were saying that you're fat. Why let others dictate your self worth? Am I the only one who paid attention to that Sunday School poster that said "I know I'm special 'cause God don't make no junk." Bad grammar aside, self worth comes from within, not "without".

The thin line between informative and TMI

My job should provide a bra allowance. While there are many things about work that I can complain about, this one is the funniest. I work in a 11 story building. The floors are kind of thin and flexible. In deference to the beginning of the hot season in Texas (yes, that was a joke), I have started wearing bras that are thin and flexible. Well, that's not working out so well. You see, the floor shakes whenever one of my coworkers of a certain size walks by. It was bad enough when my desk just shook; now, it is like walking down a staircase naked. Not that I have ever done that, I just imagine it to be unpleasant.

Who I am

In case any poor soul happens to wander in here, I should take the time to tell you to go away. If you decide to stay, I will not be held responsible if anything you read causes mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual damage. But if it does, please tell me; I need the laugh.
Now on to me: I am a disillusioned twenty-something looking for someone to hold accountable for all the lies society told me that I believed. Yeah, I know, I was dumb for believing it but still. Likes – vanilla ice cream, books, violent movies where people get blown and/or beat up, Las Vegas, the Build-a-Bear workshop, leather pants, new toys, my 6.1 THX speaker system, NASCAR, high heels, well done cow, school, and most music that isn’t country or rap. Dislikes – people who want to control me, people who think they are smarter than me, mold, dust, cigarette smoke, dry eyes, poor reception, radio commercials, poor writing, painful medical procedures, and waste.
Everything else aside, the most important thing to know about me is that everything I do is strictly in pursuit of my own personal entertainment.