It's not a war zone.

In deference to all the people actually living in war zones we shouldn't say that. How about it looks like a tornado tap danced in every single tree around my house, but just managed to spare my roof... And now we know the answer to that age old question, if a tree falls in the driveway and no one is awake does it make a sound. No.

"oink, oink"

That's right, call someone a pig because they are hungry. This is why so many people have body issues. Health is more important than weight. So what if someone is "fat". As long they can walk to and from their car without undue stress on their heart what does it matter if they are a size 8 or a size 18.

MYOB

the world would be a much better place if everyone would attend to their own business rather than interfering in the lives of others.  Remember, you shouldn't care what floats my boat; i'm not offering you a ride.

DRA MAP RINCE

I really mean kings and queen, but that's the only royalty that fit the spot...
Have you ever known somebody that everything happens to? You get approached by a creepy guy; same thing happened to them last night. You drop your dinner on the floor; same thing happened to them last night. You buy a new fridge; oh my goodness, they were looking at appliances last night eleventy one eleventy one !!!1!!!11!!!!1!!!!
Some people are not content to live through reality tv. They must live your life too. And they live it better than you can. They're ready for primetime.

Monogamy

I am a firm believer in the ancient art of monogamy (serial though it may be). I am an only child and I frankly don't believe in sharing. For everyone who says that cheaters are just following a biological imperative, I have just one question. How many times did you pee on yourself today? At some point in time -- early childhood I hope -- our society deems it necessary that we are all potty trained. (I exclude those with relevant medical conditions.) It's amazing how one biological imperative can be conquered, but another cannot.

Ooo Jezebel

We (women) are our own worst enemy. I don't know if it's jealousy, envy, rivalry, frustrated desire for children or what. But damned if one woman just can't be happy for the success of another. It's like that old story about grandpa and the bucket of crabs... In general, I think that there is enough happiness/success out there for everyone. It's true that there is a finite supply of certain things, but what is the point of everyone being exactly alike.

Now in specific, there seems to be some confusion on how I fit in. I am not your daughter, sister, mother, girlfriend. I don't want to steal your daughter, sister, mother, girlfriend, boyfriend, job, car, house, shirt, underwear. When I want something I will acquire it on my own. When I want something from you, I will tell you. I do not need you to speak for me; you can barely speak for yourself. And it doesn't hurt my feeling when you act out your dysfunctional leanings (see above); it pisses me off.

Pimp My Self

It is one thing to sell yourself. It is an entirely different matter for someone to try to buy you.

At this point it becomes necessary to explain my "theory of why people are messed up #1". People are inherently concerned with the self. This not necessarily bad. The problem is that most people are selfish rather than self-interested. Selfish people act for the self but often don't act for the interest. When deciding upon a course of action, one should look to the long-term result rather than instant gratification.