Gimme one reason

and i'll laugh in your face.

The rules

Supposedly people need clear performance guidelines in order to achieve success. To make things simple for everyone, here are a few of the care and feeding rules for me.

How to employee me:
Understand that we are not family
Understand that we are not friends
I am a fully grown adult
I don't do filing, phones, or customer service
I hate people so leave me alone
I don't want stupid gifts with the company name
I don't share
Take your __________ meds
Leave your marital problems at home
If you want me on call, give me a phone; my minutes are not your minutes
You don't get to tell when/what to eat, buy, wear
How much I spend isn't your business
Any training/education you pay for is yours, what i pay for is mine
The moment you start trying to bully me, I quit

How to befriend me:
See above
I'm allergic to cats
Drinking yes, smoking no
No ditching
Trust is the cornerstone of friendship
Ask first before taking
If I saw it first I have dibs until otherwise noted
Never take the last one
"bros before hos"

Something more:
See above
See here
Roses are a safe bet
No shrimp, no seafood restaurants unless its a table for one
We are separate people with separate lives, friends, cars, houses

Everyone else:
See employ me
Don't say "smile it's not that bad" because actually it is
On second thought don't speak to me at all
Don't be the nasty pervert getting frisky with my car

I had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove

Katee Sackhoff if going a long way to become my new girl crush. Pretty much all she has to do is star in the last season of BSG and she's golden...

On that note, the point is fiction is to be fiction. I don't read/watch fiction to mimic reality. I am trying as hard as i can to escape my reality. Why in the world would I want to watch people live out the problems I have with sound effects and music?

Shades of my childhood

http://www.violentacres.com/archives/347/making-light-promises

Cleaning out my closet

perhaps i should mention that i listen to a lot of eminem at work...

I've decided to restructure my blogs.  it's not paranoia when they are after you...

Hi my name is...

and i haven't had caffiene for several days
i also haven't worn a suit in so long half of mine no longer fit
i haven't bought gas in a week
the polish on my toenails is really old
my legs haven't seen a razor since december
and i'm not drinking fruit punch right now

Why y'all always hating on the libertarians

we just want to be loved like everyone else

DRA MAP RINCE

I really mean kings and queen, but that's the only royalty that fit the spot...
Have you ever known somebody that everything happens to? You get approached by a creepy guy; same thing happened to them last night. You drop your dinner on the floor; same thing happened to them last night. You buy a new fridge; oh my goodness, they were looking at appliances last night eleventy one eleventy one !!!1!!!11!!!!1!!!!
Some people are not content to live through reality tv. They must live your life too. And they live it better than you can. They're ready for primetime.

The day of reckoning is closer than you think

For some reason people equate quiet with passive. Apparently because my resistance is not vocal, it is nonexistent. But people forget that actions speak louder than words. And trust me, my actions are going to be nearly as loud as the shot heard 'round the world. Too bad I am going to miss out on the fallout.

Want to date a cowboy?

You're 66% likely to be able to put up with a cowboy.

The higher you score, the more likely it is that you could date a cowboy. Low scores pry mean one of two things, either cowboys just ain't your type, or you are a tree-huggin' hippy city slicker. GIT 'ER DONE!!!

Link: The Would you date a cowboy Test written by walt4848 on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test View My Profile(walt4848)

Stability

Your Emotional State is 57% stable!

The HIGHER your %, the MORE Emotionally 'stable' your current emotional state. Don't worry if you scored a low percentage - Tomorrow is a new day!

Link: The Subconcious Self Test written by -harlequinn on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test View My Profile(-harlequinn)

Stay away from the Shiraz

yecch.

Could you shut your damn mouth when you chew

No one wants to hear that

I fear the happy juice

Not because i'm worried about the anesthesia itself. But because i'm afraid of what I might do while under. Like tell the surgeon he's cute. Really really cute. We're talking have puppies together cute. On the plus side since my mouth will be deadened maybe I won't be able to speak. That will help a lot.

I am ready to stop going to class now

I think I am to the point that a little self-study would be the wiser course of action

I photograph horribly

I can spot relatives from a mile away.  Members of my family have 2 distinctive features in common.  1) a sink on the top of the head.  2) one eye is slightly more closed than the other.  Giving me that "I'm listening to you, one of my eyes is looking at something over your left shoulder, but i'm listening to you" appearance.  this is why my profile picture on facebook looks like crap.  that and i look about 16, at least according to my mother.

Still going to hell*

*now with champagne and chocolate. 

 

i realize that i am more honest when consuming certain beverages.  i am more many things, but those are not relevant right now.  as such i take care to chose my words very carefully under such circumstances.  despite appearances, everything thing i say (and do) is carefully calculated beforehand.  i implore others to know themselves as well and take proper precautions.

It's 2:30 pm on friday

and i'm maintaining a fiction. the fiction that i have work to do.  the truth is that for the first time in 3 months i don't have any deadlines to meet.  but instead of having an afternoon off, i am sitting at my desk playing freecell on my cellphone.  why? because of the fiction that i work 40 hours a week 8 to 5.  the fiction that i don't work saturdays, sundays, nights until 8 or 9... someone show me a company that respects the fact that sometimes sleep happens at 11am and i'll show it an employee that respects the fact that servers crash on new year's eve.

Signs spring has sprung

It must be spring, festival season has arrived...

 

Richardson

Cottonwood Art Festival

Wildflower - and I would like to thank Richardson for throwing me such a big birthday party this year.  I plan to enjoy it.

Addison

Taste Addison

Kaboom Town

Ain't nothing like the real thang baby

just because the package says spaghetti does not make it so.  this whole wheat whole grain mess might as well just be paste.  ugh.  i will never substitute again.

Isn't it ironic

For some reason, it seems wrong to use ms software to update a blog that will probably do a significant amount of ms bashing at some point.

Dear End User

The best documentation in the world does no one any good when users don't bother to read it. The instructions are step by step with screenshots for goodness sake.

I'm going to hell

Who's going with me?

I am guilty of committing the sin of not loving my neighbor. And enjoying the pain of another. But sometimes you just can't help yourself. And sometimes people get exactly what they deserve and you really have to stand back and laugh.

Bonus points for correctly identifying the reference.

For those who need a laugh

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3100238782209404763&pr=goog-sl

This video is work and family safe. Except if you perhaps are/were a high ranking New York executive branch official...

In the interest of insomnia

or maybe fairness, i could man up too

Monogamy

I am a firm believer in the ancient art of monogamy (serial though it may be). I am an only child and I frankly don't believe in sharing. For everyone who says that cheaters are just following a biological imperative, I have just one question. How many times did you pee on yourself today? At some point in time -- early childhood I hope -- our society deems it necessary that we are all potty trained. (I exclude those with relevant medical conditions.) It's amazing how one biological imperative can be conquered, but another cannot.

Wasn't it just St Paddy's

In yet another example of how this year has sucked beyond all recognition, dinner just hit the floor. and by floor i mean bedroom carpet. at least it was alfredo.

Ooo Jezebel

We (women) are our own worst enemy. I don't know if it's jealousy, envy, rivalry, frustrated desire for children or what. But damned if one woman just can't be happy for the success of another. It's like that old story about grandpa and the bucket of crabs... In general, I think that there is enough happiness/success out there for everyone. It's true that there is a finite supply of certain things, but what is the point of everyone being exactly alike.

Now in specific, there seems to be some confusion on how I fit in. I am not your daughter, sister, mother, girlfriend. I don't want to steal your daughter, sister, mother, girlfriend, boyfriend, job, car, house, shirt, underwear. When I want something I will acquire it on my own. When I want something from you, I will tell you. I do not need you to speak for me; you can barely speak for yourself. And it doesn't hurt my feeling when you act out your dysfunctional leanings (see above); it pisses me off.

What the hell do you think I do all day long

twiddle my thumbs?

Pimp My Self

It is one thing to sell yourself. It is an entirely different matter for someone to try to buy you.

At this point it becomes necessary to explain my "theory of why people are messed up #1". People are inherently concerned with the self. This not necessarily bad. The problem is that most people are selfish rather than self-interested. Selfish people act for the self but often don't act for the interest. When deciding upon a course of action, one should look to the long-term result rather than instant gratification.

Execute NewEmployee

While you don't have to, you may want to call that "procNewEmployee". We wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea after all.

Erasing your Internet footprint is difficult

Use this simple method to prevent possible embarassment: people who weren't at the event don't need to know about the event. This is where we get such concepts as "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" and "Rumoured to be a party". Although there are photographs that really should not exist. No one who was not there needs to know about the sexy grape game. Really too bad that's a night I do remember. Man I miss college. Vegas too for that matter...

Fiction can be more honest than truth

Dr. Cameron: If we want this to not get in the way of our friendship, I think we both have to apologize and put it behind us.
Dr. Foreman: I like you, really...we have a good time working together. But ten years from now, we're not gonna be hanging out, having dinners. Maybe we'll exchange Christmas cards, say "Hi," give a hug if we're at the same conference...we're not friends, we're colleagues...and I don't have anything to apologize for.

Sleeping Dogs Lie, House MD

Just because I get paid to look at you for 8 to 9 hours of the day, doesn't mean that I have to like you.

Getting to Know You...

How evil are you?

See, I told you everything would work out fine

I tend to be right. You'll learn to love that about me. Or you won't, and I'll have to hurt you.

Compensation is not necessary

Virtue is its own reward, and brings with it the truest and highest pleasure; but if we cultivate it only for pleasure's sake, we are selfish, not religious, and will never gain the pleasure, because we can never have the virtue. John Henry Newman

i don't MAKE threats, i TAKE action

A great poet once said: "Thinkin I'm sayin the shit cause I'm thinkin it just to be sayin it " -Eminem "Kill You" People have a bad habit of assuming that I am the 18 year old I look like.  That when I speak, I'm only blowing smoke because I could never follow through on such statements.  Unfortunate misconception on their part.  You really should have listened to me.  Or as Eminem would say:  "I done told yo bitchass once". My blog is moving.  If I like you, you'll know where to find me from now on.

Damn, even my porn star name is boring

But please, do not wish me into interesting times.

When am i going to get to have a damn drink.

can we try again.

next week maybe.  you just caught me at a bad time.  about the worst time you could have possibly picked.  and we won't even go into all of the chances you had before now...

dumb bitch of the week

sometimes people get exactly what they ask for.  i hope this is the case for your.

men: how to get women who are way out of your league

don't be an asshole, asshole.

Thie week it's corn flakes

there's a time when you're a child, that you don't have the concept of "love isn't supposed to hurt this much".  all you know is no matter what you do, you'll never be more than an obligation.  actually, you don't even know that. all you have is some grey's anatomy meredithesque concept of "love me".  you do everything you can to please, but can never quite be whatever it is enough.  of course, your adult self realizes that not everyone is capable of love.  your child self still however still seeks reminders of that seemingly kinder, simpler time.  next week i'll have rice krispies. changes are coming.

day light saving sucks

Your Score: Rabbit

You scored 19 Ego, 17 Anxiety, and 17 Agency!

IT was going to be one of Rabbit's busy days. As soon as he woke up he felt important, as if everything depended upon him. It was just the day for Organizing Something, or for Writing a Notice Signed Rabbit, or for Seeing What Everybody Else Thought About It. It was a perfect morning for hurrying round to Pooh, and saying, "Very well, then, I'll tell Piglet," and then going to Piglet, and saying, "Pooh thinks--but perhaps I'd better see Owl first." It was a Captainish sort of day, when everybody said, "Yes, Rabbit " and "No, Rabbit," and waited until he had told them.

You scored as Rabbit!

ABOUT RABBIT: Rabbit is generally considered Clever by his many friends and relations. He is actually a much better reader and writer than Owl, but he doesn't consider it worth mentioning. Instead, Rabbit's real talent lies in Organizing Plans. He organizes rescue parties, makes schemes to reduce Tigger's bounciness, and goes on missions to find out what Christopher Robin does when he's not at the Hundred Acre Woods. Sometimes, however, his Plans do not always go as Planned.

WHAT THIS SAYS ABOUT YOU: You are smart, practical and you plan ahead. People sometimes think that you don't stress or worry, but this is not the case. You are the kind of person who worries in a practical way. You think a) What are my anxieties about and b)what can be done about them? No useless fretting for you. You don't see the point in sitting around and waiting for things to work out, when you could actually work them out today and save yourself a lot of time and worry. Your friends tend to rely on you, because they know that they can trust you help them work things out.

You sometimes tend to be impatient with people who are less practical in their ways. You don't have much patience for idiots who moan about things but never actually DO anything about them. You have high expectations of everyone, including yourself. When you don't succeed at something, or when something goes wrong despite your best efforts to prevent it, you can get quite hard on yourself. You need to cut yourself some slack and accept that everyone has their faults, even you, and THAT IS OKAY. Let yourself be faulty, every now and then, for the sake of your own sanity.

Link: The Deep and Meaningful Winnie-The-Pooh Character Test

15 Minutes of My Life Lost

Note to self: Never change a variable that you are using in a conditional.  I know better, I was just in a hurry.  Starting over in a new programming language is difficult; so much current knowledge gets in the way of learning the "proper way" of doing things.

i get the dumb bitch

i always give people one more chance than they deserve.

New car pics

Since the dealership was kind enough to provide the pics, i figure i can give them the free advertisement.

the dodge is dead, long live the mitsubishi

and by dead i mean blown radiator and axles with rust all over my driveway... pics up later.