I just had a pap smear

and by just i mean several hours.  long enough that i came home to a glass of wine. weren't we getting tshirts for this?  the 2 advil i premedicated myself with were just what the doctor ordered.

Vista... It really kicks the llama's ass

more buggy that xp, less buggy than 98.  of course wal-mart and a mangy dog are less buggy than 98.

smart people, explain it to the dumb ones.

You speaks so well

I think that some people believe that their only purpose on earth is to be in my way. otherwise, they would move on.

Please note

P225/50R17's pop like balloons when faced with a pothole and are expensive as hell

Required reading

oh the places you'll go by seuss

there's a hair in my dirt by larson

uhm, no

give that to me, i'm pregnant

blink

i'm pregnant and i want it

blink

you should give that to me because i'm pregnant

blink

insert crickets

I've been working on this for a while

not everyone is as concerned with their health and safety as much as I am. so there need to be so rules for interaction. i don't want anyone else's germs or their crazies.




before we shake hands - did you wash yours the last time you were in the restroom? and after you sneezed/blew your nose? do you wash them before eating?




before I eat your food - is your house clean? is your kitchen clean? do you let your cat jump up on the counter and play with food while you cook it?




before I get in your car - do you have insurance? when was your last accident and how many have you had in the last year. ever been popped for dui?



before we watch movies at your place - what kind of porn do you watch? i don't want to be surprised by the last movie you left in your dvd player.


before we kiss - when was the last time you went to the dentist? what's up with that cough you have? and before you swallow that shot of vodka could you swish it around a little bit?

As you wish

(The only thing missing is some dmb)

Well, it looks like your time has run out.  And that's really unfortunate.  but such is life.

No one sniffs sharpies because they smell good

They smell different

Rookie mistake

I'm not sure which is worse, hiring a rookie or being the rookie.

Let's talk again

May was largely a month of silence due to vacations and surgery.  And can I say that vicodin is overrated.  It really didn't do a thing for me.  Well, change is almost here, just a couple of more days.  Then I'll have some really interesting things to share.