An open letter

Dear Parents, Stop telling your kids they are special.  It doesn't improve their self-esteem.  It makes them worthless as human beings.  They feel they just have to show up and do nothing more.  They think they are owed, that they don't have to earn anything.  They are wrong.  They are annoying. P.S. To the asshole who nearly took my car out because you too busy worrying about gifts to notice that you had pulled out into oncoming traffic: Merry Fucking Giftmas.

Every American Household will have a wii

if only someone would sell me one. an no, i am not paying 600 for it.  do you know what tax on that is?

The best part of an imaginary boyfriend is the presents

i think i'm getting jewelry this year for giftmas.

Sometimes I hate caffeine

2 more assignments.  It's almost over.

beer & brownies

There is a special place in my heart for redheads.  And for red wine.

NO SARA NO CSI!!!

ELEVENTY ONE ELEVENTY ONE!!!11111!!!111111!!!!!!

Dean Dean Dean, how you've let yourself go

The difference between us is that you make your money being pretty and I make mine being smart.

Today's Advice: Never Do Anything by Half.

If I was leaking oil, that would be understandable.  If I was leaking coolant, that might be alright.  But superstar that I am, my car is leaking a mixture of oil and coolant.

No I know that you are fucking kidding me

Sandra Oh is unsexy? I call bullshit.  Assholes.  Where's my Huey user pic when I need it.

I miss good Aaron Sorkin

I should be sleeping/packing/homeworking.  But instead I am sitting here trying to figure why Halle Berry is playing Catwoman and what kind of lipstick she is wearing.

Om my God that [bitch] is shameless

Deep Thoughts by Tequila At some point in time, the real you has to come out.

a wineglass, 6 ice cubes, a shot of mango tequila , and a can of lemonade walk into my hand...

wineglass - i just finished a glass of shiraz and i didn't want to dirty anything else (i rinsed it out) 6 ice cubes = that's how many fell out of the dispenser tequila = the only liquor i have on hand lemonade = it sounded good at the time There are people you get drunk with and people you can't drink with.  Be a people you can drink with.  `` My very first signature drink was Goldschlager® & milk.  And I cannot remember who bought the bottle for me because I was no where near 21 yet, but I still have it as it was an important part of my development.  Remember Kiddies: Friends don't let friends journal drunk. The point of all of this it to not "faint" Friday night.  Therefore I have 2 days to build up a college level tolerance..

But seriously ya'll

It's not a contest.  Scarcity isn't that prevalent.  This is plently to go around.  My having does not prevent you from having.

The titlek of Britney's CD shouldn't be Blackot

it should be "up to no good"

What we have here is a failure to communicate

Apparently what I need is a "man plan".  and more sleep.  more sleep would be great.

Whataburger always seems like such a good idea at 1am

nothing to see here

Why that bitch always gatta steal my man?

Ok mine only in my imagination, but it's the principle of the thing.  I think what we find attractive is largely informed by what was in front of our eyes when hormones first started running during puberty.  So I've images of Christopher Reeve (I've been in love with him since before I understood that people might find that a little odd.  I'm talking elementary school days here) mixed with long wavy brown hair and rich chocolate brown eyes with a little red head thrown in.  This guy does not exist.  And if he does, his wife has him tied up in her bed like a smart woman and no one can get to him.  -- so I'm SOL there too.  I have got to get back to reality.

Today I'm goint to cut a brotha some slack

Periodically, I act what would normally be out of character.  Kinda like the holiday bonus time period where I will double to dectuple normal tips simply b/c its giftmas time and people other than me have gifts to buy.  In that same spirit, I'm going to believe that you can be wronged so deeply that it effects your ability to reason logically.  Emotion will clould your thinking and cause you to say things you might not otherwise.  But there is only one free pass folks and it has now been given.  I should really work on making those long post like people who actually have something to say.

FREE BRITNEY SPEARS

We all know that one is going to come in handy soon...  But seriously ya'll, Brit is my gurl.  True friendships between women are actually quite rare.  It's hard to get past the competition society puts us in for men, jobs, that last black top on the last chance clearance rack for 75% off...

Zero Interest in LAN Management

I'm beginning to think that the problem is not that networking is difficult, but that I have absolutely no interest in it. As long as the computers are communicating I don't really care how it happens. Alternatively it could be that I am just tired of trying to reset my router.

There's always the DVD release.

Looks like my tenure with csi is over.  It's been a fun ride, but I can be a cold hearted bitch when it is time to cut someone off.  (I take this time to say that I'm not so cold as to send a dear john letter across an ocean , although i do have to admit that i have come close.  stupidity of youth and not being ability to identify real friend.  begin the refrain of "you fucked up.")

New Care Wishes

It's not that I need a new car, but I kinda want one.  And I sat in a pretty one today.  With leather seats.  But damned if it wasn't smarter than I am.  See you in a couple of years pretty car.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

I love the action/adventure genre.  But I have a dirty secret.  I love the lifetime movie network too.  The acting is almost as bad a Sunday night Hallmark movie.  (and those are the cream of the crop.)  I can't stop watching.

Dumb Bitch of the Week

It's women like you who give the rest of us a bad name.  Please to be not making assumptions about my goals in life.  And while there is nothing wrong with being Hippie, that whole "we moved here because the school system is so good" is kinda old.  There are private schools everywhere.  You are just a status seeker.  That is fine, just admit it.  And stop telling me that i'm going to be like you when I grow up.

Last thing (i'm avoiding homework)

Because I'm a planner I like to get things started early. So what are we giving up for New Year's?

It's raining...

but no men are falling to the ground.

i am not "pre-pregnant"

But I do wear lipstick. Yes, yes, I am talking about the lead report. Officials say "people wear lipstick instead of ingesting it." A man had to say that. A single man that has never kissed a woman.

TCP/IP Kicks My Butt

We were doing all well and good until we got to the network and tranport layers. And things in the wonderful world of networking just started falling apart. I had an easier time doing the calculations for transmission efficiency. Hopefully LAN basics will go better; I have subnetting to work on.

Best TV line evar

"Not that I can actually feel anything, but I can intellectually imagine"

Relationship Secrets According to Chris Rock:

1. Everybody Lies "'Cause you can't get nobody being you.  You got to lie to get somebody. You can't get nobody looking like you look, acting like you act... sounding like you sound. When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative." 2. We All Have Faults " When you love somebody, you got to love everything about them. You got to love the crust of a motherfucker. You can't just love the white part of the bread. You gotta love the crust, the crumbs, the tiny crumbs at the bottom of the toaster. That's what the real motherfucker is." 3. You Have to Have Something in Common "If you born-again, your woman gotta be born-again, too. lf you a crackhead, your woman gotta be a crackhead, too... or the shit won't work. You can't be like, ''l'm going to church,where you going?'' ''Hit the pipe!'' That relationship ain't going nowhere."

New rule: there will now be underwear checks at the front door

Do not roll up in my house without your panties on.  Seriously.  I don't care liberated and free you feel; there is going to be another layer between you and my sofa.  And on that note, I'm going to need you to not sit on my toilet.  You are just going to have to hold it 'til you get home.

it's naked pizza night

And tonight we present the naked truth.  As the saying goes, in vino veritas (there is truth in wine for the non classical latin majors).  Tonight's wine of choice was a 2005 california merlot.  I forget the vineyard, it doesn't matter anyway.  Hot men like Michael Weatherly and Mark Harmon should be accessible in real life.  Watching tivoed NCIS from Tuesday.  And Abby is fucking awesome.  I should be like her with I grow up.  I should grow up.  (Also, please refrain from operating a remote while under the influence.)

PA

In order to make sure that nothing that didn't need to be seen was showing, I have been reading old entries.  I've gotten soft recently.  I'll have to work on that. Halloween costume ideas: Catwoman Little Red Riding Hood (from the hood) Austin Powers Extra ?

Welcome to my new reader(s)

You know who you are.  Things have been kinda sparse recently, but I will be better I promise. P.S. The Boondocks are back, the Boondocks are back!

I have realized that at one time I was that stupid

and here i am hoping that wasn't true.

Dear Vicky

Here's a secret you may not know.  Single women shop in your store.  So if you have a great product, don't just package it for him and for her.  Package it just for her too on the side.  The rest of us feel left out. In other news, lack of memory of an event does not constitute lack of awareness at the time of the event's occurrence.

Hmm

-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK----- Version: 3.1 GB/IT d- s: a- C++$ U P L E W++ N o+ K--? w+ !O !M-- V? PS+ PE Y+ !PGP t+ 5++ X++ !R tv++ b+++ DI++ !D G e+++ h-- r? x? ------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

What do the following things have in common?

Desperate Housewives, Prison Break, Grey's Anatomy, Lost, Las Vegas.  I'll give you a hint.  These are all shows that I don't watch because the creators/writers piss me off.  Will Criminal Minds and CSI join this list too?  Dear advertisers, I have money to spend, if you want me to buy your products, don't waste ad money on shows that piss me off.

the last thing i remember is eating dinner

so which purchase at walgreens triggered the playtex coupon.  i wonder if it was the rx for the lovely lovely pain medication. p.s. dallas stinks.  you guys should really do something about that air pollution problem.

Full beds are too damn small

but when you have a budget of $500, you take what you can get.  even if this means ikea.  ikea that is very far away.  ikea that sell defective furniture.  that you have to put together yourself.  and after you lug 71lbs upstairs you find that a piece is bad.  and have to go back to ikea.  ikea that is very far away.

i have just one question... what the hell is in tequila

i now understand that one tequila two tequila three tequila floor t-shirt

Britney isn't fat, she's just big boned.

Ok, seriously.  Women are now ashamed to be "adult-sized".  Size 8s need to diet and exercise to get smaller.  Bones protruding from limbs are ideal.  There is now something wrong with a woman looking like a woman.  I call shenanigans.  Somebody get a broom.

Beer + Hot Wings = <3

Alcohol is so good for the decision making process. Now if we can just do something about the "seal"...

Now I love me some Hawaii Five-0

but seriously, using a stunt double for McGarrett that has a mustache... Seriously.

Tax Free Shopping

I would have preferred that my books be tax free, and not my shoes.

damnit, sometimes i hate the internet

now everyone is doing naked pizza night

Class Reunion

Because people I haven't been in touch with for 10 years give a crap about how I successful I am now.  They would on the other hand probably be gleeful about learning about my failures.  That's if I had any.

Someone has lost their damn mind.

Not safe for sanity warning... http://scienceblogs.com/aetiology/2007/06/post_41.php

I'm tired of these motherfuckin' caterpillars in my motherfuckin' bed

my damn house is being invaded.  this is seriously not working for me.

And a glass of wine to you

PSA: Mixing alcohol and prescription medication is a bad idea.  Kids, don't grow up to be like me. Now, for those of you over the age of 25 -- 21 is still too young to know what you are doing -- if you do decide to do it, don't waste your money on good alcohol.  The cheap stuff is going to work fine just fine.  Trust me on this.

Late Night Poetry

Oh my God Those ducks are having sex my eyes, my eyes

note to self

avoid merlot.  it evokes memories of the sexy grape game.

God save me from women

A modern Disney princess doesn't sit on her ass waiting to be saved.

Dear Broadcast TV,

You piss me off.  I'm getting a satellite dish. No love.

Papa John's pizza good, but when it's frees, it's even better

i think i may be too young to listen to maroon5's latest cd

drinking wine is good for you

i think that its not inherent properties of the grapes, but the fact that after a long day a little relaxation goes a long way

They have a point

when your house is under a tornado warning, you are not watching tv so there is no point in interrupting normal programming 

Sprint SERO plan from Inphonic

is cheap as hell, but customer service sucks ass. I just love how google visits blogs.

I am done w/ this damn house

tonight a closet door fell out of it's track, and nearly broke my damn arm

Note to self...

because i'm not a parent, i don't understand that being an asshat is wrong. only a parent can understand that. check.

Dear Lord

It should be illegal to make decisions before you are 25

"You know what, it's funny. A chicken trying to be sexy is just hilarious"

1. never live w/ someone incapable of taking care of him/herself 2. don't break the damn deadbolt w/ the door locked

i would also like to comment that my yahoo tv listing timezone is whacked

storm warning

i would rather be watching scott foley. if people in the path of the storm should be taking cover, then they won't be watching the weather. put scott foley back on. and i bet house is screwed. and why is this dumb woman on the damn phone talking about the damn hail. put scott foley back on.

mmm beef

I taste like Beef. I taste like beef. I'm probably made of beef. You are what you eat, they say, and if the title didn't mean something else, I would be a beefeater. I think red meat is good for you. Puts hair on your chest. What Flavour Are You?

how to get out of a state vehicle inspection

drive your car into a cement post and damage the bumper, the hood, the radiator, the a/c... at least this time, it isn't my car

oh the pain

i would be a horrible parent when say do something i expect it to be done i said call the furniture people i said take the computer equipment to be recycled i said treat the dog for fleas none of it was done and getting the dog bathed and in the car beat me with a stick across the calves it would help the pain of stair climbing

Buying a house is hard.

That is all.

Gee, color me shocked

 

No kids for me You are 67% Worthiness and 1% Likely!

You probably shouldn't have kids and, fortunately, you don't seem likely to. You seem to engage in safe sexual behavior and have made good decisions so far. Now just apply this technique to the rest of your life and you'll be home free.

Link: The to Breed or not to Breed Test written by HalfThunder on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

The British are so much smarter

they make a new dr who, but they keep the theme and the blue box b/c that's the kind of stuff fans identify with and it keeps them loyal got to get my hands on series 2

it's 5am and I'm awake

not for any good reason, but b/c i'm watching the power rangers...  I know, I know.  But I can't help myself. PS - I don't know about plumbing, but I know that there's electrical work to be done.  Half of the outlets are not grounded...  Bad scoobies.

i never smoked, but damned if i didn't inhale

anyone wanting pictures of the "glorious new house" leave a comment

Total tax refund $

Sucks to be in the middle class.  The more money you make, the more money that the government takes. And God save me from people supporting a larger role of the federal government in daily life.

I hate slippery slope arguments

Dress like a slut if you want.  Act like slut.  Hell be a "slut".  But follow this simple rule -- only do it if you can kick the ass of anyone who calls you on it or can pay someone to do it for you.

Sex with Superman would blow your mind... literally

i have wanted to say that for a while now.

i'd like to find the asshole that though printing "have a happy period" on pads was a good idea

yes, i realize that i am late to this party, but i haven't had to deal w/ this since last june.  continuous hormone usage has its benefits.

seriously, i am going to stop shaking people's hands

and we thought flu was bad... http://www.health-science-report.com/alotek/topics1/article51

note to self:

sleeping through cramps only works if you don't incorporate them into your dreams vd presents should go out in the next couple of days

i decided to just watch the commercials online

i wish i had cable so i could watch the puppy bowl next year, gadget, next year

i keep going just past the appropriate level of cheating

i think that i just slept for 4 hrs pre-approval is complete potential buyer for house found just need to find new house and i can get out of the hood

My theory of humanity

i believe that humanity is kinda like a club like a club, there are membership rules if you violate club rules, you are subject to being kicked of the club in the same way, there are people whose human race membership cards need to be revoked

I have a notoriously bad habit of not taking care of my things

you know, not feeding the dog so my mother has to letting deposits build up in my steamer

Unscientific Results - normally i'm an ISTJ

Crackpot - INTJ 20% Extraversion, 60% Intuition, 86% Thinking, 73% Judging

People hate you. Paris Hilton hates Nicole Richie. Lex Luther hates Superman. Garfield hates Mondays. But none these even rates against the insurmountable hate, people have for you. I mean, you're pretty damn clever and you know it. You love to flaunt your potential. Heard the word "arrogant" lately? How about "jerk?" Or perhaps they only say that behind your back. That's right. I know I can say this cause you're not going to cry. You're not exactly the most emotional person. You'd rather spend time with your theoretical questions and abstract theories than with other people. Ever been kissed? Ever even been on a date? Trust me, your inflated ego is a complete turnoff with the opposite sex and I am telling you, you're not that great with relationships as it is. You're never going to be a dude or chick magnet, purely because you're more concerned with yourself than others. Meh. They all hate you already anyway. How about this- "stubborn?" Hrm? Heard that lately? All those facts which don't fit your theories must just be wrong, right? I mean, really, the vast amounts of time you spend with your head in the clouds...you're just plain strange. ***************** If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this. ***************** The other personality types are as follows... Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

Dear City of Tampa

Thank you for encouraging me to donate to Planned Parenthood.  I've been looking a recipient of my cash, and you made the decision much simpler.  And if I never visit your state again, you know why. no love, me

no cheating

after following my reduced carb diet diligently all month, i overindulged on bread saturday.  sunday, i hated myself b/c i was absolutely starving. lessons learned: 1. no cheating 2. a little is ok, a lot will get you in trouble.

Stolen Humour Style (and yes, I meant to spell it like that)

 

the Wit (61% dark, 38% spontaneous, 15% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

Dallas ISD: It's safe for buses to run

Are you serious?  DISD official expect me to believe that they would put their children on buses right now.  I'm not that dumb.  I can't get out of my driveway yet.  But a bus is safe to drive down by the end of the block?  Dear Parents, DISD apparently hates your children. That is all.

i just watched a seal give birth on pbs

I need an oil change

But can i leave the house? no.  it has iced over. I need food. I need to be outside.

I need a web host

PeoplePC's site builder is a piece of shit.  If I had my way, I would code the damn html myself and ftp it to the server.

Let me get this straight...

People are supposed to go to Africa, grab up the children, and take them back to their own countries... thereby "saving a life"...  Why does this sound somehow familiar to me?

Don't stick bananas in your stereo

Now when I say I hate children, what I mean is that I hate children. I do not mean that in a couple of years I am going to catch baby rabies and suddenly desire children. I mean that I hate children. I do no mean that I don't like others children, but will love the ones I will have. I mean that I hate children and will not be having any. I do not mean that as soon as I hold your precious bundle of joy I will fall in love and want my own. I mean that you can keep your grubby baby to yourself. I've said it before, and apparently I need to say it again: stop trying to define me by your regretted decisions. And confidential to X: babies don't just "happen."  If you didn't want to be pregnant, you should have done something to prevent it.  And there's still time to take care of it...