Dear City of Tampa

Thank you for encouraging me to donate to Planned Parenthood.  I've been looking a recipient of my cash, and you made the decision much simpler.  And if I never visit your state again, you know why. no love, me

no cheating

after following my reduced carb diet diligently all month, i overindulged on bread saturday.  sunday, i hated myself b/c i was absolutely starving. lessons learned: 1. no cheating 2. a little is ok, a lot will get you in trouble.

Stolen Humour Style (and yes, I meant to spell it like that)

 

the Wit (61% dark, 38% spontaneous, 15% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

Dallas ISD: It's safe for buses to run

Are you serious?  DISD official expect me to believe that they would put their children on buses right now.  I'm not that dumb.  I can't get out of my driveway yet.  But a bus is safe to drive down by the end of the block?  Dear Parents, DISD apparently hates your children. That is all.

i just watched a seal give birth on pbs

I need an oil change

But can i leave the house? no.  it has iced over. I need food. I need to be outside.

I need a web host

PeoplePC's site builder is a piece of shit.  If I had my way, I would code the damn html myself and ftp it to the server.

Let me get this straight...

People are supposed to go to Africa, grab up the children, and take them back to their own countries... thereby "saving a life"...  Why does this sound somehow familiar to me?

Don't stick bananas in your stereo

Now when I say I hate children, what I mean is that I hate children. I do not mean that in a couple of years I am going to catch baby rabies and suddenly desire children. I mean that I hate children. I do no mean that I don't like others children, but will love the ones I will have. I mean that I hate children and will not be having any. I do not mean that as soon as I hold your precious bundle of joy I will fall in love and want my own. I mean that you can keep your grubby baby to yourself. I've said it before, and apparently I need to say it again: stop trying to define me by your regretted decisions. And confidential to X: babies don't just "happen."  If you didn't want to be pregnant, you should have done something to prevent it.  And there's still time to take care of it...