A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Real Life

Author's Note:

2011-08-20T00:08:00.001-05:00

This blog will no longer be updated.

Pain

2009-11-17T14:48:00.001-06:00

You should really name your pain and injuries. The two of you are going to be together for a while, so it's best to be on a first name basis.

So that's what 2 months of sinus drainage looks like...

2009-11-16T14:48:00.001-06:00

eww

World's Worst Sinus Infection

2009-11-14T22:12:00.001-06:00

Report From the Front Day 35: Many of my comrades have fallen...

OK, it's not that bad, but it certainly feels that way. Any sinus infection that lasts several week and requires 3 different types of antibiotics to treat cannot be normal. I have to be the poster child and strange medical conditions.

World's Biggest Cold Sore is still trending well

2009-11-09T00:23:00.000-06:00

Probably because people like to know there are other people out there who share their pain. I haven't had a cold sore recently, but a unicorn horn of a zit is currently residing on my forehead, but that is a story for another... In other news I was thinking that we need more cold sore humor. Most of my breakouts have been due to stress after all whether work or personal. I think that humor would go a long way to helping alleviate stress. Maybe a t-shirt for when you are having an active break: This isn't a cold sore, economic difficulties have force me to rent my face out to a family of weasels. A family of anything would work really; weasel is just the first thing that came to mind.

Looking for some more humor?

Totally willing to sell my uterus

2009-10-21T02:03:00.002-05:00

Notice that said sell and not rent. Also there will be know returns. If I'm honest I will admit to actually passing out from cramps. While on pain medication... This is not acceptable.

I've been ignoring my blog...

2009-10-21T01:58:00.002-05:00

Let's be honest it's all facebook's fault... No seriously, between school and opening some online businesses, I haven't had a lot of time to even think about blogging. But I'm glad to see people are reading my old stuff. Even if it relates to the world's biggest cold sore... So to my fellow cold sore sufferers let me suggest two things: abreva or valtrex.

#racefail @work

2009-08-21T20:49:00.002-05:00

The Scene: office cubicle farm with overhead lighting turned off
The Action: One coworker aims camera at another and snaps picture
The Audio:
White Coworker: "I just needed to take a picture of something dark"
Black Coworker:"o_O"

It's been so long since I've written to you

2009-08-13T22:24:00.001-05:00

it's not like you pay attention anyway.

Simply put: I'm tired of people stealing my shit

2009-08-13T22:21:00.003-05:00

You know, I kinda pride myself of saying funny things. And it kinda pisses me off when people steal them and act like they came up with my shit on their own... So, henceforth, I am going to work extra hard to attribute the shit I "borrow" to its owner. It's only fair. Do unto others and all that jazz.

lies of omission

2009-07-21T20:52:00.001-05:00

i hate nothing more than lying. but they say "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all". so i remain silent. but there are some things that really need to be heard.

Appearances, Assumpltions, and I'm not your enemy

2009-07-12T10:11:00.005-05:00

Hello Blog, long time no see.

For the record 150 lbs is not skinny. Yes, it is lighter than my grandmother's 200 and my mother's 175. However, a 115 model I am not. And attacking me for being "skinny" isn't doing either of us any good. So just accept that we are both awesome in our own ways, at whatever size we are. Now move along.

Happy Father's Day to all the deadbeats and sperm donors

2009-06-21T11:05:00.000-05:00

From your kids: don't call us, and we won't call you.

On the occasion of my 30th birthday...

2009-05-14T01:14:00.001-05:00

I have nothing to say... Life is good.

ever get that not so...

2009-02-18T16:19:00.001-06:00

thishttp://www.womanist-musings.com/2009/02/boo-yaa-its-period-time.html

the world's largest cold sore has taken over half my face

2009-01-26T15:18:00.001-06:00

quite amazingly, it is actually in 2 pieces. i have never seen this happen before. zovirax is trying to defeat it, but i don't think anything will work. so i am just going to have to live with looking like i got backhanded until it decides to move on. being sick sucks.

An Open Letter

2009-01-25T16:41:00.002-06:00

To: Google
Cc: T-mobile
Re: G1 pop3 notification failure

Seriously, this email situation is unacceptable. The email application on the G1 is incapable of notifying when I receive messages. The suggested work around is the have gmail poll my pop3 acounts as only the gmail application works properly... (we can discuss that later.) But gmail's mail fetcher cannot be set to a specific interval and only wants to check about once an hour. So I'm supposed to be satisfied that I get my email once an hour (rather than never) when I am used to receiving it once every 10 - 15 minutes? This is ridiculous. What good is a mobile computing device that doesn't keep up to date when you are on the go?

Sincerely,
A disgruntled consumer that really can't do anything about the current situation but will think twice about your product next time...

Ideas for self improvement

2009-01-17T21:36:00.003-06:00

#1 Fire people from your life who are pulling you down rather than lifting you up. I've already fired 2 people this year. Which is really a record because up until now, i had only fired a total of 2 people. So now i'm at 4 total. Firing people is necessary to maintain a healthy you. Life is hard enough without others making it harder. To help you along, I'm going to list the reasons I've fired people. If you see these or similar behaviors, it's time to let that person go...

thievery
lying
gereral jackholery
using
ungreatfulness
lack of reciprocationm
mistreating others
disrespect
sabotage

If these read like a list of disease systoms, they are. and that disease is deserves to die alone. by the way, i don't feel sorry for these people; they bring pain and sufferin on themselves. remember the more you find to love about a person, the more you will find to hate about them.

Too much time on facebook

2008-12-20T09:09:00.002-06:00

equals not blog time. also equals experiencing some crazy people. dude, for the last time, teh intrawebs are not reality. speaking of reality, i think being able to be myself negates the need to blog as much. i don't have to post what i'm thinking, i can just come out and say it.

What's wrong with tampons

2008-12-02T14:07:00.002-06:00

Or rather why should I go to extraordinary lengths to hide them? Everyone else should get over it.

hit them in the pocket book...

2008-11-22T13:44:00.002-06:00

people no longer understand the concept of doing to right thing, because it's the right thing. they only understand bringing the pain. the best way to bring the pain is to hit the pocket book. especially now, so hit the pocket and hit it hard.

fooled by appearances...

2008-11-22T13:38:00.002-06:00

people sure are funny... apparently because i look sweet and innocent (i said look...), people try to take advantage of my kind nature. but really, that is one of the worst mistakes you can make. well, if you like yourself that is. i have no problem slamming the hammer down when necessary. boom.

"it was obviously our fault"

2008-11-19T11:40:00.002-06:00

This ageist shit has got to stop. Do I need a tshirt that says "no really i'm 30"? No matter how old a patron looks, you should treat them as though they were 50. No treating like kids; no treating the elderly like they are senile.

Why size matters

2008-10-31T16:41:00.002-05:00

I've determined that other people's estimation of my size is based more on their perceptions of themselves rather than their perceptions of me.

The next persom to ask me if i'm chaka kahn gets shot

2008-10-31T15:34:00.002-05:00

Here's a clue, i'm a concept, not a person. So stop asking me if I'm one of the two black people you've seen on tv. It's kinda annoying.

As I was saying...

2008-10-19T10:56:00.002-05:00

It sucks to be a girl. and if a girl walks into your store and buys nothing but pads and laundry products, it's probably a bad idea to tell her to have a nice day. she's not having a nice day; she's having a typical day.

It sucks to be a girl

2008-10-17T13:10:00.002-05:00

Not only are there the physical issues; there is the societal pressure to hide them.

How am I supposed to exercise

2008-10-17T12:35:00.002-05:00

All the classes are at 9 or 10 am. It's a conspiracy to keep us office dwellers unhealthy. The only way you can exercise is if you can afford not to work.

"what happens on wall street affects main street"

2008-10-11T08:59:00.001-05:00

really? 'cause i can't say that i care too much that some exec's golden parachute turns out to be $9mil instead of $10mil. yes, that is an overly simplistic way of looking at things, but i really don't like my early saturday morning tv viewing being interrupted.

it's not wine that i hate...

2008-10-05T20:33:00.002-05:00

it's not even cheap wine that i hate. it's cheap wine made from cali grapes that i hate. apparently i like cheap australian and italian grapes.

this post brought to you by the letter A, the letter A and the number .08.

Dear world (By world I mean america),

2008-10-01T16:16:00.002-05:00

I don't know every other black person in the world. We aren't friends ; we aren't family. I don't know his/her likes, dislikes, or underwear size. I don't necessarily feel a natural kinship; and I don't support exclusively So please stop asking me to decode black behavior foryou. It's starting to piss me off.

OMG y'all, we're in the middle of some serious economic shit

2008-09-30T13:05:00.002-05:00

Toilet paper is $15... Have your popcorn at the ready, this is going to be fun to watch.

little bitch struck again

2008-09-28T20:15:00.001-05:00

why are jeans so tasty? don't believe the lie that animals don't retaliate.

Beauty standards

2008-09-27T09:52:00.002-05:00

Customer service jobs suck enough on their own, but having to wear heels and makeup are just adding insult to injury. Really, does looking pretty make you any more competent at your job? Excluding models. And to me, the best looking model aren't pretty; they're striking.

Don't you love it when your boss says "we"

2008-09-23T13:51:00.002-05:00

B/c what he means is "you"

little bitch ate my jeans

2008-09-20T22:04:00.001-05:00

do y'all know how much a new pair is going to cost?

the number of posts i've done while drunk astounds me

2008-09-18T23:03:00.001-05:00

including this one

you aren't trying hard enough

2008-09-16T23:25:00.002-05:00

it's not whether you succeed, but how much effort you put into it.

It's now that time of year when we all have to ask ourselfves

2008-09-07T18:11:00.000-05:00

What am I going to be for Halloween? I'm thinking about something in the clown/joker/harley quinn range. But the possibility of little red always exists.
And if you are a girly girly female, the additional question of "What am I going to wear to the Christmas party?" allow arises.

the fine art of subtlety is lost to many people

2008-09-06T20:48:00.001-05:00

it is so satisfying to make a statement that conveys multiple meanings

today is not the day

2008-09-05T20:26:00.001-05:00

in fact, there will never be a day.

more signs of old age

2008-09-03T20:00:00.000-05:00

i just had my ass handed to me by a zumba instructor

People say karma is a bitch

2008-09-03T16:31:00.005-05:00

But I don't think karma is the one with the attitude problem. People should expect what they put into life to come back to them. I think it has to do with the company you keep. Sneaky people who hang out with other sneaky people shouldn't be surprised when they are fit into the victim role. And they shouldn't expect sympathy from me.

Bloggers are like cockroaches

2008-09-03T16:31:00.004-05:00

For each one you see, there are X reading and lurking with their heads bobbing in agreement...

my life is complete

2008-09-02T19:06:00.001-05:00

I've seen a fish get "milked". you really, really don't want to know.

bravo

2008-09-02T19:05:00.001-05:00

really there isn't much more that I can say than that.

I know you won't listen to me, but maybe someone else can convince you

2008-09-02T17:15:00.002-05:00

"let him who is without sin cast the first stone." wait , what am I thinking, nevermind. Y'all still haven't figured out that whole "love your neighbor." and don't get me started on that "least of these"thing.

Why can't smart be pretty?

2008-09-02T11:13:00.002-05:00

What part of appearance correlates with intellect? Why is it that I can't wear a cute t-shirt without the assumption being made that i'm easily pushed over? Why is a woman with a pretty face not taken seriously?

day off = all the things i've been thinking recently get posted

2008-09-01T10:42:00.001-05:00

bear with me. b/c this one is kinda disjointed and is the product of several things i'm feeling all at once. i hate hypocrites. I hate liars. i also hate people how withhold the truth. really, if you have something to tell me, just tell me. it's a waste of time dance around. dancing is for the dance floor only.

Labor Day

2008-08-31T18:31:00.001-05:00

Don't forget to celebrate Update Your Resume Day!

As I am an overachiever, mine is already done. :)

What do you have to gain?

2008-08-31T17:50:00.002-05:00

Apparently nothing.
Lord save me from the child and the childlike.

Clothing Sizes

2008-08-31T15:42:00.001-05:00

It's a little known fact that all of my underwear is from vs. little know until now... recently, however, the vs cotton line has gone cheap. i don't mean price cheap; i mean quality cheap. the waistband is thinner and so is the material. but the worst part is that the sizing is off. I'm going to have to move up a size to keep my butt covered b/c they're skimping on material. not cool, guys.

on a related note, could someone make a pair of non low rise jeans. i've bought five pairs of jeans in the past week and damned if i have found a pair that went up to my belly button in a cut like. don't get me wrong, i don't wear my jeans up high, but i do like the extra space.

Why i'm not having kids

2008-08-29T14:31:00.002-05:00

I'd name a girl tabitha kathryn just to call her tabbykat

an asshole is still an asshole

2008-08-23T18:42:00.001-05:00

speeding is against the law. yeah we understand that. but having taken a pet to an emergency vet, i can understand how emotional people are. so should i get caught speeding while rushing to the vet i will be more than willing to accept my ticket and the fine with it. what i will not accept is some asshole belittling the feeling i have about my pet. maybe it pisses me off more right now because one of my dogs recently died. the ticket was warranted, the insult not.

Yes I have a radar detector

2008-08-12T16:38:00.002-05:00

I live in texas, home of artificially low speed limits and a ridiculously high number of localities that depend on ticket revenue. (took me a second to work out that parallel .) this however does not make me a reckless driver. Ooo i'm driving 45 in a 40, someone stop me.

"i kissed a girl"

2008-08-12T11:02:00.002-05:00

Really...
Seriously...
Apparently i'm not missing anything by not listening to the radio.
There is a line of insipid and this mananges to cross it twice.
I wouldn't download this song if it was free AND guaranteed me $100.
I don't even think i would dance to this. I'd pour out a full drink just to go refill it.
When is britney coming out with a new cd?

Signs of old age

2008-08-08T09:09:00.002-05:00

Wrinkles
Stiff neck
Stiff back
Squinting at monitor
Tv turned up loud
Peeing in the middle of the night
Peeing in the middle of the morning
Gas
Fiber supplement
"That music is too loud"

dirty little secrets

2008-08-07T19:53:00.001-05:00

i'm sure that i have done this before, but here are some more:

i watch the power rangers

i like cartoons

beauty and the beast is my favorite movie

jpop is my newest musical fascination

i don't like puppy kisses

i don't like men that are too skinny

in fact, i like a little meat on the bone

my dog has fleas (and just farted in my bed)

i've had pizza 3 times this week

I'm having a pepperoni craving

2008-08-07T19:34:00.001-05:00

i found doggyspaces.com and my dog has more friends than i do. something is wrong with that.

dear rhd, please send my bill.

2008-07-29T22:40:00.001-05:00

i would hate to end up like bennigan's. i guess this means that i can't use my anniversary coupon.

This is the effect of consumer driven healthcare*

2008-07-28T14:39:00.002-05:00

I have a 2500 deductible. So a little thing like a tickle in my throat isnt going to send me to the dr. Sudafed will take care of this. A couple of days pass. Oh shit my sore throat is so bad I can't breathe anymore. Trip to er (there goes that deductible). Crap my ear is leaking fluid...

*too be honest, my ass was just lazy. But in reality when people actually can't afford prevenative care this is what happens. They run up hundreds if not thousands of dollars in er bills and complications arise that make what was a simple matter many times worse.

Don't waste your time at rhd

2008-07-28T09:35:00.002-05:00

Dear dr asshole,
I hope you get treated by youself in the future. That would be karma.
No love, your patient.

i just love it when ms updates my computer

2008-07-27T16:05:00.001-05:00

the way ms can fuck up on piece of software with another is amazing

Note to former classmates

2008-07-25T15:31:00.002-05:00

We aren't friends just because you found my facebook profile. Seriously I had like five real friends, several more acquaintances, and a hell of a lot more people who got their jollies from trying to make me cry. So please, don't try to create some revisionist history where you were my main supporter. And also should I ever be the only thing standing between you and something you want, I suggest you find a new hobby.

As fat as I want to be

2008-07-24T15:13:00.003-05:00

I am so tired of governments taking away my rights to a big mac. I'm all for restaurants being required to post nutrition info; that fosters open information. What I do not like is some telling me what I can and cannot eat. Except for when my doctor did it a couple of years ago. But even then I put on 5 more pounds. So for everyone that was wondering, I actually lost weight for medical reasons, not because I want to be a size 0. (which would in fact be physically impossible.) so you can now stop asking about it.

Racism pisses me off, but elitism I can get behind

2008-07-24T13:12:00.002-05:00

The people telling you that the conflict is black vs. white are trying to distract you from tgecreal problem of have vs. have not.

Krab mentality

2008-07-24T09:55:00.002-05:00

Why is that misery loves company? Misery would be even more miserable if it left everyone else alone.

I'm so tired of hormone fluctuations

2008-07-17T17:07:00.002-05:00

One thing goes up and another goes done.

New rule

2008-07-14T09:41:00.002-05:00

First dates should involve an exchange of ipod song listings.

I look like Kristanna Loken

2008-07-12T20:22:00.001-05:00

well, 61% at least. Those of you who know me are going huh? i'm sure.

see here: http://www.myheritage.com/face-recognition

We've all met the asshole

2008-07-07T22:14:00.002-05:00

Sometimes we've even been the asshole. The secret is to not be an asshole all the time.

The Women’s Declaration of Independence

2008-07-04T14:33:00.001-05:00

Declaration of Sentiments

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one portion of the family of man to assume among the people of the earth a position different from that which they have hitherto occupied, but one to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes that impel them to such a course.

We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men and women are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; that to secure these rights governments are instituted, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of those who suffer from it to refuse allegiance to it, and to insist upon the institution of a new government, laying its foundation on such principles, and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and, accordingly, all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they were accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their duty to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of the women under this government, and such is now the necessity which constrains them to demand the equal station to which they are entitled.

The history of mankind is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations on the part of man toward woman, having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over her. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has never permitted her to exercise her inalienable right to the elective franchise.

He has compelled her to submit to laws, in the formation of which she had no voice.

He has withheld from her rights which are given to the most ignorant and degraded men - both natives and foreigners.

Having deprived her of this first right as a citizen, the elective franchise, thereby leaving her without representation in the halls of legislation, he has oppressed her on all sides.

He has made her, if married, in the eye of the law, civilly dead.

He has taken from her all right in property, even to the wages she earns.

He has made her morally, an irresponsible being, as she can commit many crimes with impunity, provided they be done in the presence of her husband. In the covenant of marriage, she is compelled to promise obedience to her husband, he becoming, to all intents and purposes, her master - the law giving him power to deprive her of her liberty, and to administer chastisement.

He has so framed the laws of divorce, as to what shall be the proper causes of divorce, in case of separation, to whom the guardianship of the children shall be given; as to be wholly regardless of the happiness of the women - the law, in all cases, going upon a false supposition of the supremacy of man, and giving all power into his hands.

After depriving her of all rights as a married woman, if single and the owner of property, he has taxed her to support a government which recognizes her only when her property can be made profitable to it.

He has monopolized nearly all the profitable employments, and from those she is permitted to follow, she receives but a scanty remuneration.

He closes against her all the avenues to wealth and distinction, which he considers most honorable to himself. As a teacher of theology, medicine, or law, she is not known.

He has denied her the facilities for obtaining a thorough education - all colleges being closed against her.

He allows her in church, as well as State, but a subordinate position, claiming Apostolic authority for her exclusion from the ministry, and, with some exceptions, from any public participation in the affairs of the Church.

He has created a false public sentiment by giving to the world a different code of morals for men and women, by which moral delinquencies which exclude women from society, are not only tolerated but deemed of little account in man.

He has usurped the prerogative of Jehovah himself, claiming it as his right to assign for her a sphere of action, when that belongs to her conscience and her God.

He has endeavored, in every way that he could to destroy her confidence in her own powers, to lessen her self-respect, and to make her willing to lead a dependent and abject life.

Now, in view of this entire disfranchisement of one-half the people of this country, their social and religious degradation, - in view of the unjust laws above mentioned, and because women do feel themselves aggrieved, oppressed, and fraudulently deprived of their most sacred rights, we insist that they have immediate admission to all the rights and privileges which belong to them as citizens of these United States.

In entering upon the great work before us, we anticipate no small amount of misconception, misrepresentation, and ridicule; but we shall use every instrumentality within our power to effect our object. We shall employ agents, circulate tracts, petition the State and national Legislatures, and endeavor to enlist the pulpit and the press in our behalf. We hope this Convention will be followed by a series of Conventions, embracing every part of the country.

Firmly relying upon the final triumph of the Right and the True, we do this day affix our signatures to this declaration.

Drafted by Elizabeth Cady Stanton

Resolutions

Whereas, the great precept of nature is conceded to be that “man shall pursue his own true and substantial happiness.” Blackstone in his Commentaries remarks that this law of nature, being coeval with mankind and dictated by God himself, is, of course, superior in obligation to any other. It is binding over all the globe, in all countries and at all times; no human laws are of any validity if contrary to this, and such of them as are valid derive all their force, and all their validity, and all their authority, mediately and immediately, from this original; therefore,

Resolved, That such laws as conflict, in any way, with the true and substantial happiness of woman, are contrary to the great precept of nature and of no validity, for this is superior in obligation to any other.

Resolved, that all laws which prevent woman from occupying such a station in society as her conscience shall dictate, or which place her in a position inferior to that of man, are contrary to the great precept of nature and therefore of no force or authority.

Resolved, that woman is man’s equal, was intended to be so by the Creator, and the highest good of the race demands that she should be recognized as such.

Resolved, that the women of this country ought to be enlightened in regard to the laws under which they live, that they may no longer publish their degradation by declaring themselves satisfied with their present position, nor their ignorance, by asserting that they have all the rights they want.

Resolved, that inasmuch as man, while claiming for himself intellectual superiority, does accord to woman moral superiority, it is preeminently his duty to encourage her to speak and teach, as she has an opportunity, in all religious assemblies.

Resolved, that the same amount of virtue, delicacy, and refinement of behavior that is required of woman in the social state also be required of man, and the same transgressions should be visited with equal severity on both man and woman.

Resolved, that the objection of indelicacy and impropriety, which is so often brought against woman when she addresses a public audience, comes with a very ill grace from those who encourage, by their attendance, her appearance on the stage, in the concert, or in feats of the circus

Resolved, that woman has too long rested satisfied in the circumscribed limits which corrupt customs and a perverted application of the Scriptures have marked out for her, and that it is time she should move in the enlarged sphere which her great Creator has assigned her.

Resolved, that it is the duty of the women of this country to secure to themselves their sacred right to the elective franchise.

Resolved, that the equality of human rights results necessarily from the fact of the identity of the race in capabilities and responsibilities.

Resolved, that the speedy success of our cause depends upon the zealous and untiring efforts of both men and women for the overthrow of the monopoly of the pulpit, and for the securing to woman an equal participation with men in the various trades, professions, and commerce.

Resolved, therefore, that, being invested by the Creator with the same capabilities and same consciousness of responsibility for their exercise, it is demonstrably the right and duty of woman, equally with man, to promote every righteous cause by every righteous means; and especially in regard to the great subjects of morals and religion, it is self-evidently her right to participate with her brother in teaching them, both in private and in public, by writing and by speaking, by any instrumentalities proper to be used, and in any assemblies proper to be held; and this being a self-evident truth growing out of the divinely implanted principles of human nature, any custom or authority adverse to it, whether modern or wearing the hoary sanction of antiquity, is to be regarded as a self-evident falsehood, and at war with mankind.

Signatories

Lucretia Mott
Harriet Cady Eaton
Margaret Pryor
Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Eunice Newton Foote
Mary Ann McClintock
Margaret Schooley
Martha C. Wright
Jane C. Hunt
Amy Post
Catharine F. Stebbins
Mary Ann Frink
Lydia Mount
Delia Mathews
Catharine C. Paine
Elizabeth W. McClintock
Malvina Seymour
Phebe Mosher
Catharine Shaw
Deborah Scott
Sarah Hallowell
Mary McClintock
Mary Gilbert
Sophrone Taylor
Cynthia Davis
Hannah Plant
Lucy Jones
Sarah Whitney
Mary H. Hallowell
Elizabeth Conklin
Sally Pitcher
Mary Conklin
Susan Quinn
Mary S. Mirror
Phebe King
Julia Ann Drake
Charlotte Woodward
Martha Underhill
Dorothy Mathews
Eunice Barker
Sarah R. Woods
Lydia Gild
Sarah Hoffman
Elizabeth Leslie
Martha Ridley
Rachel D. Bonnel
Betsey Tewksbury
Rhoda Palmer
Margaret Jenkins
Cynthia Fuller
Mary Martin
P. A. Culvert
Susan R. Doty
Rebecca Race
Sarah A. Mosher
Mary E. Vail
Lucy Spalding
Lavinia Latham
Sarah Smith
Eliza Martin
Maria E. Wilbur
Elizabeth D. Smith
Caroline Barker
Ann Porter
Experience Gibbs
Antoinette E. Segur
Hannah J. Latham
Sarah Sisson

the best art comes from the worst pain

2008-07-02T20:17:00.001-05:00

it's good, i just like my alanis a little angrier. jlp style. this just hurts.

See the resemblance?

2008-07-01T18:41:00.001-05:00

This is a movie gremlin...

This is a real life gremlin...

This is the face of caffeine addiction

2008-07-01T14:34:00.002-05:00

It is not a smiley

I just had a pap smear

2008-06-30T21:59:00.001-05:00

and by just i mean several hours. long enough that i came home to a glass of wine. weren't we getting tshirts for this? the 2 advil i premedicated myself with were just what the doctor ordered.

Vista... It really kicks the llama's ass

2008-06-25T19:06:00.001-05:00

more buggy that xp, less buggy than 98. of course wal-mart and a mangy dog are less buggy than 98.

smart people, explain it to the dumb ones.

You speaks so well

2008-06-18T22:21:00.002-05:00

I think that some people believe that their only purpose on earth is to be in my way. otherwise, they would move on.

Please note

2008-06-16T20:02:00.001-05:00

P225/50R17's pop like balloons when faced with a pothole and are expensive as hell

Required reading

2008-06-14T12:24:00.001-05:00

oh the places you'll go by seuss

there's a hair in my dirt by larson

uhm, no

2008-06-11T20:57:00.001-05:00

give that to me, i'm pregnant

blink

i'm pregnant and i want it

blink

you should give that to me because i'm pregnant

blink

insert crickets

I've been working on this for a while

2008-06-11T18:06:00.001-05:00

not everyone is as concerned with their health and safety as much as I am. so there need to be so rules for interaction. i don't want anyone else's germs or their crazies.

before we shake hands - did you wash yours the last time you were in the restroom? and after you sneezed/blew your nose? do you wash them before eating?

before I eat your food - is your house clean? is your kitchen clean? do you let your cat jump up on the counter and play with food while you cook it?

before I get in your car - do you have insurance? when was your last accident and how many have you had in the last year. ever been popped for dui?

before we watch movies at your place - what kind of porn do you watch? i don't want to be surprised by the last movie you left in your dvd player.

before we kiss - when was the last time you went to the dentist? what's up with that cough you have? and before you swallow that shot of vodka could you swish it around a little bit?

As you wish

2008-06-08T21:19:00.001-05:00

(The only thing missing is some dmb)

Well, it looks like your time has run out. And that's really unfortunate. but such is life.

No one sniffs sharpies because they smell good

2008-06-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

They smell different

Rookie mistake

2008-06-02T16:57:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure which is worse, hiring a rookie or being the rookie.

Let's talk again

2008-06-01T09:22:00.001-05:00

May was largely a month of silence due to vacations and surgery. And can I say that vicodin is overrated. It really didn't do a thing for me. Well, change is almost here, just a couple of more days. Then I'll have some really interesting things to share.

If I ever find that son of a bitch that made my doggie scared to pee

2008-05-04T19:03:00.001-05:00

it's gonna be on.

Remember, help control the stupid people population: have yourself spayed or neutered.

What do you get when you mix a terrier with a dachshund?

2008-04-29T21:08:00.001-05:00

I don't know, but one is now living in my house.

"job security"

2008-04-22T18:23:00.001-05:00

is just another way for your boss to tell you "you're my bitch, bitch"

You don't know me very well.

2008-04-15T14:25:00.002-05:00

Question: there are a civic and an eclipse sitting in my driveway. Which is mine? It's a trick question. They are both mine. But why in the world would you think my 60 yr old mother would drive a sports car? But more importantly, why in the world would I show you a picture with a car visible that belongs to someone not in my household. And how the hell am I supposed to have a guy spend the night with my mother down the hall?

It's not a war zone.

2008-04-14T20:40:00.000-05:00

In deference to all the people actually living in war zones we shouldn't say that. How about it looks like a tornado tap danced in every single tree around my house, but just managed to spare my roof... And now we know the answer to that age old question, if a tree falls in the driveway and no one is awake does it make a sound. No.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

2008-04-14T20:03:00.000-05:00

The way you try to find fault with everything I do is cute. If you understand "cute" to mean getting on my damn nerves. And really your problem is that you are trying to do what I do. And you can't. But that's ok. I wish that I could find some way to get across to you the point that you should focus on what you are good at. You should develop some talents, interests, hobbies of your own rather than emulating the people around you. Accept that you can't be me. This is turning into single while female.

Logic error

2008-04-14T16:34:00.000-05:00

Here's a tech joke you can tell all your friends: what do you call it when you write code using c# and do not get the results you want so you rewrite it in vb using the same programming logic? I call it laughing at people at work.

My four day diet

2008-04-14T15:51:00.002-05:00

Here's another important thing to know about me. For 3 or 4 days out of the month you will see me with a slim fast or adkins shake. This is not because I am trying to loose weight. So don't ask me if i'm on a diet. It's because I have really bad menstrual cramps. Really bad. I'm talking about wake you up in the middle of the night and drop you to your knees before you get to the bathroom to puke bad. So I have to avoid solid food, but still find a way to meet my daily caloric needs. So dumb questions should be avoided at this time.

Congratulations, you're a woman now...

2008-04-14T15:17:00.002-05:00

Little did I know then. Can I be a man instead? The latest guess is endometrisos. Thanks, mother nature, really. And mother too for that matter.

"oink, oink"

2008-04-14T13:07:00.002-05:00

That's right, call someone a pig because they are hungry. This is why so many people have body issues. Health is more important than weight. So what if someone is "fat". As long they can walk to and from their car without undue stress on their heart what does it matter if they are a size 8 or a size 18.

I blame management

2008-04-13T20:00:00.000-05:00

Your employees lack a understanding of the tecnologies necessary to complete their jobs. To be clear, they lack the fundamental skills needed to complete their jobs. To be clearer, you pay so little that you can not hire people who can complete their jobs. This is why there are so many "hiccoughs". I'm reminded of college. "you fucked up! You fucked up!"

Basics of reading comprehension

2008-04-13T19:25:00.001-05:00

my google-fu is strong. so i am going to help out those of you unable to look things up for yourselves but nevertheless need to learn some stuff.

how to tell the difference between fact and opinion:

http://www.worsleyschool.net/socialarts/factopinion/factopinion.html

Could someone check my forehead

2008-04-13T13:06:00.000-05:00

I'm getting the impression that some people are seeing "dumb bitch" tattooed there . I don't see it when I look in the mirror, but maybe it is in some color that I can't see or only visible under a black light or something.

What I really need to be doing

2008-04-13T01:12:00.001-05:00

is figuring out how i am going the code a parking garage fee calculation program. or if i have to blog, post one or two of the 10 drafts i have sitting out in limbo. let's instead ponder the nature of identity (and perhaps the fact that macgyver is available for view on cbs's site).

When I was 10 I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. now you would have to have known me then to believe this, but yes i did fully appreciate all that entailed. by the time i finished high school, i was leaning to law school. which i was going to incorporate somehow with the application of physics. space physics to be exact. and before the jokes start, yes i went to school to be a rocket scientist. (i point out that someone actually thought i had a shot at it as well.) but as often occurs life got in the way of that. right now i want to be a computer programmer. i know things about myself now that i not have conceived of at 10 or 18. I will probably learn something tomorrow that i didn't know today.

and i need to turn dave chappelle off. but man, he's got me thinking about that grape juice in the fridge.